Letting go of something is hard. Either by choice, circumstance or a factor out of your control. Whether it be possessions, a career, a friend, a loved one, a marriage, a girlfriend, a former life.
I have found myself struggling with this over the last few months. I changed my life and let go of a lot of things last year. It was easy at the time but it came back to bite me hard as my life crashed around me.
Not only did I walk out on a marriage but I let go of the only place I have called home. I moved my life to a new city. I was escaping something I no longer wanted and chasing something I didn’t really know.
I knew things weren’t right in my marriage for a while but stuffed those feelings away. When a chance meeting with someone who would turn my life upside down came about I wasn’t prepared. I just made the decision to let go, run down to London and shut everything else out.
When that fell apart I tried desperately to keep hold of what I had but ended up pushing the girl away. I didn’t listen and respect her feelings and would now be lucky if she even spoke to me.
But the memories linger. So I am letting go for my own sanity and before I do any more damage.
I made plans to change my life late last year and they are so far on course. I know what direction I am moving in, I want to find myself and who I am more as I let go and move on again. The next 10 months are going to shape me and determine what I am willing to go through to find the sort of life I want.
I just hope one day I find that someone who never wants to let me go.